When I came back from England last week, I walked into my apartment and noticed immediately Laura’s photograph had moved. It was folded up flat and lying neatly on the bookcase. It looked so odd. So deliberate. My first thought was someone has broken in. But that’s nuts. Who would break in to rearrange the decor? The ledge where Laura’s photo usually sits is so narrow, if it had fallen forward it would have smashed on the floor. Backwards and it would have knocked over the little ceramics beside it. Did Laura somehow fold up her own picture? ‘Maybe she wants you to see her only as she is now.’ my friend Ellen suggested.
Tuesday was the 4th anniversary of Laura’s death. I spent the day biking around Manhattan looking at stores, cafes and galleries to include in a New York guide I’m writing. Early evening I found myself drawn to the West Village. I cycled past the end of Laura’s street and decided to pick up dinner at Lifethyme, Laura’s favorite health food store. At the check out, our favorite cashier gave me a big hug. And as she enfolded me in her arms, I finally remembered today is the day Laura died. Walking back out into the night, I realized with a jolt, I feel happy for Laura, because I know she is happier now. Her suffering is over. And mine is too. There is no going back, only forward. Her spiritual presence is sill here. I still find pennies, see ‘something lovely’ when I walk in Carl Shurz park and she sends light orbs rocketing over my head to get my attention, whispers in my ear, holds me at night and nudges me when I am too stupid to see what is obvious. This magical trans-dimensional experience has soothed my soul and helped me grow. My 86 year old mum and my sis’ marveled at my change over Xmas. ‘You are so strong now,’ they both said.
And what of this strange magic that surrounds us? I think the more you allow yourself to see it, the more it appears. Last night I stooped to give a homeless man my change. And when the coins fell into his cup, he looked up, hands still clasped in prayer position, and said ‘Happy Birthday’. It’s my birthday tomorrow.