Expanded Consciousness – part one

‘From here on, love was the only consideration…it was and is the only purpose.  Love seemed to emanate from a single point of light…and it vibrated. I could feel my physical body trying to vibrate in unity with the cosmos…and frustratingly, I felt like a guy who couldn’t dance. But the universe accepted it. The…

Mum – Eulogy

My beautiful mum passed a year ago today. I was at her bedside when she had a massive stroke. She shared a joke with me, as she was losing the ability to speak. We laughed and cried, and within minutes she was gone. Unconscious. Somehow, a week later I managed to read this eulogy at…

Cherish

  I’ve been thinking what word sums up the heart connection I want to feel everyday. Cherish seems just about perfect. For me the word feels like my heart is open and my hands and soul are cupping whatever is around me. Cherish. And I love the sound of the word, the sweet shushing sound…

Learning to Walk in the Dark

One of my most treasured books, Learning To Walk In The Dark is a series of essays by Barbara Brown Taylor about the revelations that come from confronting fear, loss, pain and suffering. Take the story of Jacques Lusseyran, a young Frenchman who at age seven became permanently blind. A little over a week later he discovered…

Comfort Clothes

My dad wore one of my mum’s sweaters out to dinner last week.  He’s not alone.  We’ve all been delving into mum’s wardrobe since she passed. An old pair of mum’s black leather gloves is one of my most cherished possessions.  ‘They’re falling apart,’ Dad said quizzically when I said I wanted to take them….

Being There

‘Being there is everything in love, in life and in dying,’   – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (founder of the US hospice movement)    

Janette Young, 19 November 1931 to 22 May 2018

My dear mum, who surrounded me and my family with unconditional love all her life, has gone. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met and like Laura had a beautiful open smile. Her cousin Isabella recalled: ‘She brought the sunshine into the room with her.’ I was blessed to be with her at the…

Snowman

‘Send me something lovely,’ I asked Laura as I walked into Carl Schurz park, just after one of the March Nor’Easter’s. There was a few inches of snow on the ground and I felt in need of cheering up. If you follow this blog you’ll know that since my wife Laura passed I sometimes say…

Thinking of You

What if thinking about someone lovingly is enough to reach out and touch their heart? No matter the distance between you, what if your thoughts are like tendrils that can strengthen the bond between you? And what if the reverse is also true?  What if by thinking negative, angry or  judgemental thoughts, we reach out and…

Touching Joy

What if the highest form of communication isn’t words, but touch? No, silly.  Not that, or rather, not JUST that kind of touch.  I’ve often said to people I love – ‘I read you through your skin’.  Because I feel a deep non verbal connection just by holding hands or snuggling. Laura spoke wordlessly to…

Strange Magic

When I came back from England last week, I walked into my apartment and noticed immediately Laura’s photograph had moved. It was folded up flat and lying neatly on the bookcase.  It looked so odd. So deliberate. My first thought was someone  has broken in.  But that’s nuts. Who would break in to rearrange the decor?…

Liquid Love

‘You  are liquid love in human form.’ – Abraham Hicks Love and light were recurring themes at the recent Art of Dying conference in New York, where more than 30 professionals, who tend to the dying, deceased and the grieving, spoke about their experiences. Olivia Barham, a death midwife, told how when her mother died, she…

Patchwork Heart

Sometimes my patchwork heart aches so. So many pieces missing. So many scars and repairs. How do we go on? Sometimes, like last Friday, joy evaporates and is replaced with a rush of pain and then the ooze of black bilious anger that seeps out of every pore when I feel dread fear combined with…

Meditation – Am I Doing It Right?

I’ve meditated for 15 years. I used to wonder; ‘Am I doing it right?’ And ‘What is the purpose?’ My first instructor was a Buddhist. ‘Emptiness is the goal,’ she said. That felt wrong to me. It felt like I was trying to rid myself of myself During my very first attempt at meditating I…

Rescuing Emily

The movie A Quiet Passion has to be one of the worst biopics I’ve ever seen (in a category stuffed with more turkey’s than Perdue). It nearly managed to obliterate the memory of Emily Dickinson’s delicate and beautiful poetry (‘hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul’ is no where to be found)….