Mum – Eulogy

My beautiful mum passed a year ago today. I was at her bedside when she had a massive stroke. She shared a joke with me, as she was losing the ability to speak. We laughed and cried, and within minutes she was gone. Unconscious. Somehow, a week later I managed to read this eulogy at…

Teleporting

Walking to the subway in a fug of thought – planning three steps ahead, I realised I was oblivious to my surrounds and could have been anywhere. I wondered what I would notice if these were my last moments and pop! the street came alive. I noticed the patter of rain drops on my face and I…

Five Years

Wednesday was the fifth anniversary of Laura’s passing.  Five years.  And yet she is still as present to me as ever.  On Monday, her dive buddy Jo and I had dinner together and reminisced about her – her charm, her quirks, her struggles, her kindness and her compassion. There is something magical about talking fondly…

Sedona, Snakes & Saviors

‘It’s rattlesnake season,’ the woman rescuing us said, as she and her golden retriever led the way back over the red rocks, through the juniper trees, sweetly scented sage bushes and tangled yews to the Sedona trail head where we had parked our car a couple of hours earlier. We weren’t exactly lost. We were concerned….

Abundance of Spirit

I love dragonflies. I love the shimmer of their iridescent wings and how they can zoom in any direction (including sideways and backwards) helicopter-style.  But last weekend, I had 11 land on me (I’ve never had one land on me before). It all happened in less than 15 minutes, as I sat on my friend…

Disembodied Grief

When mum died, I didn’t see her spirit leave her body as I did with Laura. But I was there by her side in her final hours. And ever since I have a weird disembodied feeling, as if I am not quite here. At first I thought it was a protective numbness. But now I…

Signs and Talking To The Departed

My beautiful mum, who enfolded us all in love all her life, is still here – still spreading her golden love around us. Or so it feels. My sister Andrea and I have been experiencing a golden presence enveloping us. We can also hear her speak to us (offering advice and words of comfort). And…

Janette Young, 19 November 1931 to 22 May 2018

My dear mum, who surrounded me and my family with unconditional love all her life, has gone. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met and like Laura had a beautiful open smile. Her cousin Isabella recalled: ‘She brought the sunshine into the room with her.’ I was blessed to be with her at the…

Meet The Family

I’m afraid I am going to be insufferable from now on. And you may have to curtsey next time you meet me. After a little rummaging around in our ancestor closet, it turns out that via my mother’s beloved grandmother we can travel back through a long line of Earls to King Edward the 1st…

The Art of Dying Conference Discount

The Open Center just gave me – and my readers (i.e. YOU!) – a terrific discount for the Art of Dying Conference in New York (Oct 13-16). Instead of paying $545 for the 3-day conference, the cost is just $200. You can attend in person or stream it online. If you are interested in what happens…

A Life Wish

Do I have a death wish? Quite the contrary. I just want to feel alive again.  I nearly lost my own life 10 years ago and I lost Laura nearly four years ago.  And so life is very precious to me.  I want to feel my own essence, my own being very intensely. And so…

Patchwork Heart

Sometimes my patchwork heart aches so. So many pieces missing. So many scars and repairs. How do we go on? Sometimes, like last Friday, joy evaporates and is replaced with a rush of pain and then the ooze of black bilious anger that seeps out of every pore when I feel dread fear combined with…

What Really Happened?

I’ve finally got it. It has taken three and a half years to solve two important mysteries. And now I’ve got it. The night Laura passed, I had what Dr Raymond Moody calls a ‘Shared Death Experience’ in his book Glimpses of Eternity: Sharing a Loved One’s Passage From This Life To the Next.   Let…

Unexpected Gifts

When time collapses. When a terminal diagnosis enters stage left, it can feel oddly as if the sweetness of life is condensed. Or as one woman put it in A Time To Live, (a British documentary about 12 people, mostly in mid-life, who have been given a terminal diagnosis): ‘The colors are brighter, the trees are greener,…

Telepathy – the US government seal of approval

In recent months I’ve done a lot of experiments consciously sending love to strangers in the subway or in stores and restaurants. And noticing the relaxing, soothing effect.  People often turn and smile.  So imagine my surprise when I opened Pulitzer prize nominated author Annie Jacobsen’s new book Phenomena.  It is about how the US government…