My beautiful mum passed a year ago today. I was at her bedside when she had a massive stroke. She shared a joke with me, as she was losing the ability to speak. We laughed and cried, and within minutes she was gone. Unconscious. Somehow, a week later I managed to read this eulogy at…
Grief
Grief stops the clock on a lot of things. And today the clock stopped literally. My Mum’s watch broke. It’s almost exactly a year to the day since she passed. That little silver watch is my most cherished possession (Mum laughed when she saw me wearing it, ‘That old thing.’) She got it when she was 21….
Teleporting
Walking to the subway in a fug of thought – planning three steps ahead, I realised I was oblivious to my surrounds and could have been anywhere. I wondered what I would notice if these were my last moments and pop! the street came alive. I noticed the patter of rain drops on my face and I…
Momentum
Kindness abounds. Friends invite me on holiday to Palm Beach. The neighbors keep a watchful eye on my 92-year-old dad. And after nearly nine months of flat lining emotionally or worse feeling desolate and sometimes lost since mum’s passing, it’s as if the power is beginning to flicker back on inside. And more than that….
Everyday Miracles
How long do you think a bunch of Calla lilies should last? A couple of days? A week? Two weeks? The flowers pictured above are six weeks old and far from looking decrepit, their trumpets are still flush with color and looking strong. I’ve even been away on holiday for a week and barely changed…
Five Years
Wednesday was the fifth anniversary of Laura’s passing. Five years. And yet she is still as present to me as ever. On Monday, her dive buddy Jo and I had dinner together and reminisced about her – her charm, her quirks, her struggles, her kindness and her compassion. There is something magical about talking fondly…
Cherish
I’ve been thinking what word sums up the heart connection I want to feel everyday. Cherish seems just about perfect. For me the word feels like my heart is open and my hands and soul are cupping whatever is around me. Cherish. And I love the sound of the word, the sweet shushing sound…
Patti Smith – Talking to the Departed
‘My best friend died of leukemia when I was about seven or eight… Then, going through the death of Robert Mapplethorpe was so devastating and difficult. Our friendship was so deep, and his consciousness was so intertwined with mine .. that I knew he would still be with me when he died… I’ve learned from Robert…
The Magic Month
December is the month of magical lights and miracles. I just learned recently that the Hanukkah candles symbolize the miracle of a lamp that ought to have burned for one day, glowing instead for eight days. The Christian nativity story is filled with one miraculous sign after another; dreams, premonitions and – my favorite –…
In Praise of Imperfection
‘Forget your perfect offering. There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.’ – Leonard Cohen
Learning to Walk in the Dark
One of my most treasured books, Learning To Walk In The Dark is a series of essays by Barbara Brown Taylor about the revelations that come from confronting fear, loss, pain and suffering. Take the story of Jacques Lusseyran, a young Frenchman who at age seven became permanently blind. A little over a week later he discovered…
Blue Orbs
Something weird happens in fourteen photos I took on my Sedona trip. I only realized when I got home. Little blue orbs float through some images. Orbs of different sizes appear in different places on the images. Take a look for yourself. My favorite is the orb that seems to have a white halo around…
The Golden Hour
‘At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them.’ Laurence Binyon – (extract from For The Fallen)
Sedona, Snakes & Saviors
‘It’s rattlesnake season,’ the woman rescuing us said, as she and her golden retriever led the way back over the red rocks, through the juniper trees, sweetly scented sage bushes and tangled yews to the Sedona trail head where we had parked our car a couple of hours earlier. We weren’t exactly lost. We were concerned….
Comfort Clothes
My dad wore one of my mum’s sweaters out to dinner last week. He’s not alone. We’ve all been delving into mum’s wardrobe since she passed. An old pair of mum’s black leather gloves is one of my most cherished possessions. ‘They’re falling apart,’ Dad said quizzically when I said I wanted to take them….
