Six years ago today was one of the most precious days of my life. The next morning, after our wedding, Laura rolled over in bed and grabbed me; ‘Now you are mine!’ she grinned. She was so covered in tumors, every movement was hard, so it felt like a small miracle. Six years later she…
Small kindnesses
I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs to let you by. Or how strangers still say “bless you” when someone sneezes, a leftover from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying. And sometimes, when you spill lemons from your grocery bag, someone else will help you pick…
Magnificent Beings
Five months have passed since I slipped and fell on rocks in Provincetown. I’ve been off work all that time and I will be for a couple months more. It’s been an extraordinary adventure. Not one you’d wish on anyone. But one which has taught me so much. Not least how magnificent and exquisitely calibrated…
Breaking Through
For me, the dark spaces in my life are springboards to help me find the light. Smashing up my arm three weeks ago, has reconnected me to my body in a way that I desperately needed. After my mum died last year, I felt almost like a ghost walking through my life. I wasn’t really…
Hello from Boston
Here I am in Boston Mass General Hospital – day 10., Its 4.30 am, Thursday September 12. I should be going home to New York today. Woo hooo!!!! My neighbor Connie and I are listening to music and dreaming of our escape. I’m listening to the BeeGee’s ‘How Deep is Your Love.’ I slipped on…
Expanded Consciousness – part two
Greater consciousness, transcendence, the divine – call it what you will, it is all around us, all the time. We can connect to this incredible experience of super connectedness, of joy, love and the great oneness that unifies everything whenever we choose. But only if we learn how. According to Michael Pollan’s book How to…
Expanded Consciousness – part one
‘From here on, love was the only consideration…it was and is the only purpose. Love seemed to emanate from a single point of light…and it vibrated. I could feel my physical body trying to vibrate in unity with the cosmos…and frustratingly, I felt like a guy who couldn’t dance. But the universe accepted it. The…
Mum – Eulogy
My beautiful mum passed a year ago today. I was at her bedside when she had a massive stroke. She shared a joke with me, as she was losing the ability to speak. We laughed and cried, and within minutes she was gone. Unconscious. Somehow, a week later I managed to read this eulogy at…
Grief
Grief stops the clock on a lot of things. And today the clock stopped literally. My Mum’s watch broke. It’s almost exactly a year to the day since she passed. That little silver watch is my most cherished possession (Mum laughed when she saw me wearing it, ‘That old thing.’) She got it when she was 21….
Teleporting
Walking to the subway in a fug of thought – planning three steps ahead, I realised I was oblivious to my surrounds and could have been anywhere. I wondered what I would notice if these were my last moments and pop! the street came alive. I noticed the patter of rain drops on my face and I…
Momentum
Kindness abounds. Friends invite me on holiday to Palm Beach. The neighbors keep a watchful eye on my 92-year-old dad. And after nearly nine months of flat lining emotionally or worse feeling desolate and sometimes lost since mum’s passing, it’s as if the power is beginning to flicker back on inside. And more than that….
Everyday Miracles
How long do you think a bunch of Calla lilies should last? A couple of days? A week? Two weeks? The flowers pictured above are six weeks old and far from looking decrepit, their trumpets are still flush with color and looking strong. I’ve even been away on holiday for a week and barely changed…
Five Years
Wednesday was the fifth anniversary of Laura’s passing. Five years. And yet she is still as present to me as ever. On Monday, her dive buddy Jo and I had dinner together and reminisced about her – her charm, her quirks, her struggles, her kindness and her compassion. There is something magical about talking fondly…
Cherish
I’ve been thinking what word sums up the heart connection I want to feel everyday. Cherish seems just about perfect. For me the word feels like my heart is open and my hands and soul are cupping whatever is around me. Cherish. And I love the sound of the word, the sweet shushing sound…
Patti Smith – Talking to the Departed
‘My best friend died of leukemia when I was about seven or eight… Then, going through the death of Robert Mapplethorpe was so devastating and difficult. Our friendship was so deep, and his consciousness was so intertwined with mine .. that I knew he would still be with me when he died… I’ve learned from Robert…
