Momentum

Kindness abounds.  Friends invite me on holiday to Palm Beach.  The neighbors keep a watchful eye on my 92-year-old dad. And after nearly nine months of flat lining emotionally or worse feeling desolate and sometimes lost since mum’s passing, it’s as if the power is beginning to flicker back on inside. And more than that….

Learning to Walk in the Dark

One of my most treasured books, Learning To Walk In The Dark is a series of essays by Barbara Brown Taylor about the revelations that come from confronting fear, loss, pain and suffering. Take the story of Jacques Lusseyran, a young Frenchman who at age seven became permanently blind. A little over a week later he discovered…

Comfort Clothes

My dad wore one of my mum’s sweaters out to dinner last week.  He’s not alone.  We’ve all been delving into mum’s wardrobe since she passed. An old pair of mum’s black leather gloves is one of my most cherished possessions.  ‘They’re falling apart,’ Dad said quizzically when I said I wanted to take them….

Being There

‘Being there is everything in love, in life and in dying,’   – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (founder of the US hospice movement)    

Janette Young, 19 November 1931 to 22 May 2018

My dear mum, who surrounded me and my family with unconditional love all her life, has gone. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met and like Laura had a beautiful open smile. Her cousin Isabella recalled: ‘She brought the sunshine into the room with her.’ I was blessed to be with her at the…

Patchwork Heart

Sometimes my patchwork heart aches so. So many pieces missing. So many scars and repairs. How do we go on? Sometimes, like last Friday, joy evaporates and is replaced with a rush of pain and then the ooze of black bilious anger that seeps out of every pore when I feel dread fear combined with…

The Alchemy of Love

Sir Anthony Seldon, a British schoolmaster and political author, recently described the beautiful alchemy that transforms love  at the end of life. His wife Joanna died of cancer in December 2016. ” The illness might have withered her body, but it strengthened our love and faith.  Never had we known such profound physical intimacy and romance…

Presence

‘My father was in a coma for six weeks before he died,’ a man told me recently. This man also described how he sat with his father until the end. ‘It was the best thing I ever did,’ he said. He felt there was some intelligence that passed between them wordlessly as they spent time…

Be Love

  Be in the world as a representation of love rather than hate. – Abraham Hicks

Three Years Ago

In a couple of hours, it will be exactly three years since Laura passed.  Three years.  It seems impossible she has been gone so long.  But there is a beautiful symmetry at work.  We were together, as a couple, for three years.  And now after another three years the pain of her loss has ebbed…

Our Super Power

People say trust your gut. But I think we also ought to be trusting our hearts too.  They emit a signal which is more powerful than anything else in the body.   Recent research has found that ‘the heart has the ability to generate an electromagnetic field (EMF) that is 5,000 times the EMF of…

Laura’s Gift

My dear heart, Laura, was born 62 years ago today.  She has been ‘gone’ nearly 3 years, almost the same amount of time that we were together. And still I feel her presence so sweetly and vividly.  I used to think that she was reaching out  from ‘the other side’ (wherever that is), but now I…

I heart you

Saturday is Laura’s birthday.  This month she has been deluging me with hearts.  I find them everywhere, usually several a day; a heart shaped piece of breakfast eggshell, a wet patch by the bath, 3 heart shaped pieces of gum on the pavement, a tiny heart shaped red leaf, a line of a dozen hearts…

Liz and Rayya

It squeezed my heart to hear Elizabeth Gilbert’s recent news.  In case you missed it, the Eat, Pray, Love author Liz Gilbert announced recently on her Facebook page that after learning of her best friend of 15 years, Rayya Elias’s, liver and pancreatic cancer, she realized she was the love of her life and there was…

Life Backwards

The philosopher Kierkegaard said a life could only be understood backwards. Perhaps looking back we glimpse the patterns – the footsteps that led us to where we are now. Last night I awoke with a start remembering two funny coincidences that made me think Laura’s and my soul were entangled before we met. I remembered…