What If…

What if every drop of love and joy you feel affects and expands the pool of human consciousness; bringing more joy and light into the world? And what if every drop of anger, fear and anxiety does the same; creating more of those destabilizing emotions? Then wouldn’t the best way to improve the world be…

Dating

Before I name my hot water bottle and starting talking to it (as it lies plump on my pillow in its fuzzy alpaca jacket), I should start dating again.  It is two and half years since Laura died and I haven’t been on a single date yet. And although, ‘I love to love’ (as Tina…

On Love

One of the sweetest and funniest descriptions of what it feels like to be in love ‘I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out.  I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.  I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you’re…

The Night Visitor

I wake in the sweet spot, the warm burrow of duvet and sheets after a long night’s sleep and feel a tender embrace encircling me; a hand on my cheek, the other stroking my ear, toes gently scratch and tickle the underside of my foot, and arms pull me in close. ‘Oh Laura,’ I sigh…

Laura Calls Time

In England, one night, when I was talking to Laura, she said ‘It is time’. I thought at first she meant time for her to move on.  I felt a twang of pain at the thought of her absence. But now I think she meant it was time for me to move on, to head…

Happy 60th!

Today is my parents 60th wedding anniversary.  It is such a rare and beautiful thing that HRH Queen Elizabeth II in the UK sends couples a letter of congratulations  – upon request. So of course we requested one…!  Here’s to love and longevity and to you M+D xxxx  

Two Hearts Entwined

Sitting on my little mossy green meditation cushion giving thanks for all the blessings in my life, I’ve noticed recently the most beautiful things keep passing by my windows.  I live on the 28th floor of an uptown Manhattan apartment building, so my normal neighbors up here are helicopters, blimps and the odd seagull surfing…

Sacred

Today is a sacred day for me. This was Laura’s last full day on earth.  And close to midnight, I got to watch the magic of her soul streaming upward out of her body. But I’ve always felt sad that I missed Laura’s final words, or rather that I couldn’t make them out.  Just before…

Define Love?

Over brunch with friends this weekend, someone asked ‘how do you define love?’  The answer is not easy. It often wriggles out of our grasp and defies description. But today I am going to try.  Why? Because today is the fifth anniversary of the day I met Laura. No better excuse than that.. I think…

Wedding Present

December 15th  is my wedding anniversary.  This weekend I was thinking about the strange beauty of that day, two years ago. And also – if I am honest –  I’ve been missing the two little paper hearts that Laura and I exchanged instead of rings (they used to hang on a thread over the kitchen…

A Fond Farewell

And so it is…Laura’s body (or what remains of her beautiful body) is finally out to sea very near to this beautiful beach in the Dominican Republic. The night before, I slept with laura’s ashes in my arms and felt a great calm and an extraordinary sense of electricity in my chest.  We also danced…

Letting Go

I’m preparing to scatter Laura’s ashes and say a final farewell to her incarnate form.  It is odd, I feel unexpectedly sad about parting with her remains. Perhaps it is because this little box of rubble is all I have left of our human life together. Her beautiful physical presence left such a strong impression…

Love Wins

Did you see the Facebook post by Frenchman Antoine Leiris after his wife Helene was killed in the attack on  the Bataclan nightclub in Paris?  What extraordinary strength, love and valor.  Some media outlets shortened his post to omit that his wife’s spirit visited him just before he wrote this.  Here is the full version…

Old Marrieds

Today would have been Laura’s 61st birthday.  She died nearly 2 years ago.  Our spiritual honeymoon is over. Gone are the fireworks of the early days after she passed.  She no longer woos me by flashing the lights, spontaneously playing our favorite songs on our computers, making objects jump off the shelves or bang together….

Lily Spoons

Is it only me, or do you also feel that life is full of patterns and leitmotifs that we can only see clearly with time and distance?  Laura knew I loved spoons (and yes, spooning!), so she tried to woo me with her spoon collection on our second date. Over lunch, she whipped out of…