Caring Paradox

At the start of our adventure with the Gerson technique, I thought the biggest hurdle would be keeping up with the relentless amount of juicing, shopping, cleaning and covering the immense costs of doing the diet. But what I didn’t fully envision was that doing the Gerson technique would mean I would never again be home alone and yet I would often feel incredibly alone.

In a normal relationship you have down time from each other, you go out with friends, go to work, go on trips, come back refreshed. Instead we are living in a hanky-sized apartment (this is our first time living together) and Laura never leaves. She is a prisoner of the diet.  During the week, we also have a daytime carer for Laura and on weekends our friends (thankfully!) pour in to help us juice. I now stay in the bedroom (on the rare moments Laura isn’t there already) if I want an uninterrupted minute. I never thought about it before, but it has an exhausting effect on the nervous system if you can’t occasionally perch in a quiet corner to rest unobserved.

The other oddity, which I imagine happens to anyone who looks after a sick loved one, is the sudden imbalance in the relationship. Where once Laura and I took turns propping each other up, cooking for each other, soothing each other and taking the lead, now Laura is too sick to stretch out a hand when I’m flagging. Also, struggling with the diet is making her very angry. According to the Gerson book venting is part of the healing reaction and is called ‘the Gerson rage’. They say not to take it personally. I try not to, but it makes me feel very alone.

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6 thoughts on “Caring Paradox

  1. Hang in there Lucie! I remember when my ex-lover had cancer, I cared for her over the year of her recovery. Getting out to see supportive friends, focusing on myself/my needs, and taking time alone was crucial. I know we have not met yet, but I would like to send you a big virtual hug!

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  2. You have shared so many “finds” from isolation to the ravages of detox – maybe you need to write THAT book and you’ll be able to afford all the carrots you desire!! I have learned lots from your writing and I’m 1/2 the country away. There is alot of info that you are now expert on that no one has talked about it.

    I know, I know – in your spare time. Hang in there!

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  3. Oh, sweetie. You are the best person Laura could ever have – to rally, be by her side and guide her – having faced your own health issues via alternate therapies. There’s no way you can’t take the rage personally or remain unaffected by Laura’s ups and downs. If I were there I would envelop you in a great warm hug and spirit you away to some little corner of ny where you could breathe and cry and then simply be. A friend and I would often set up times to meet up, where the underlying goal was to catch up, but we’d describe it as ‘laughing till we snorted wine out of our noses’… Sounds gross but really signified great affection and abandonment. Sending all my love, Jenny

    P.s. Kudos for the honesty and inclusion of the blog. Can’t be easy to be in a shoebox with no corner to escape to

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  4. Thank you for sharing this with such honesty and authenticity. My husband must be feeling a bit the same – I’m always here when he comes home and he feels that he can’t listen to his hi-fi the way he would like. And he has to keep going to work because I’m not working and someone has to pay the bills, pay for the produce etc. I’m not on Gerson but am doing something very similar. I have help 2 days a week now but the rest of the time I’m juicing and cooking myself and getting exhausted. I have to remember that this is tough for him too. You are amazing! Both of you and I love reading your posts. Be well. Be happy. Jane

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  5. Thank you so much for sharing this. I went through something similar when my lover was undergoing a nervous breakdown. He couldn’t leave the house, and I was afraid to leave it for fear his body would hit me coming down. And at the same time, I had a hard time giving myself permission to have any feelings about it, because I knew he was suffering terribly. This is how disease is when you love someone – it just affects you both; there’s no way around it. I found respite in little breaks, and meditation when I could. You have been heroic. The best person Laura could ever have encountered in her life. And although I know you are doing it for Laura, not for kudos from anyone else, I send them anyway!

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