Perhaps it is time to stop trying to fix everything? The last 5 months, since Laura died, I’ve been in a mad dash to sort everything. There is some part of me that wants everything to be OK and in its place probably because I can’t cope with any more loss or uncertainty. I’ve just spent a month at my parents house trying to fix up all the practical things that didn’t get sorted when they moved last summer and also to fix my mum’s disastrously high blood pressure. Now this week I moved on to my sister’s house to try and fix the void left by their not having a nanny for 6 weeks. I am taking the week off next week to travel on my own, but what I realize is that more than anything else in the near future I need to focus inward not outward and take care of my own needs. If I am not to burn out, I need to find time to relax, look within and reacquaint myself with who I am now and what I want. Obviously, it is easier to help someone else with their problems than to look at your own. And being here is a joyful break from NY. But suspect I’ve chosen to bury myself in caregiving right now as a way not to feel the pain of losing Laura and the pain of mum’s diminished health.