The Big Leap

I am back in New York after 10 weeks away in the UK and I can’t say it is easy. It seems incredibly quiet and lonely after the joyful pandemonium of my sister’s house; Issy strumming her ukele and Ave practicing guitar, Saskia baking ever more lavish cakes and everyone piling into the living room for movie nights – Otto  included –  or  lounging in the garden for a picnic, a swing in the hammock or my sister leading everyone on bikes to the meadows for a swim or a punt in the Cam. It probably doesn’t help that I don’t have much of a life here in New York now. No partner, no job (I stopped work to help heal Laura) and I am still plodding through all the paperwork Laura left behind.  I should be done in a month or so. Then I want to take a breather and really look at how my life could fit back together differently. I’ve learnt so much in the last year. It is as if a whole other world has opened up to me.  I am not afraid of dying any more, and oddly I think I am less afraid of living too. I’ve come to understand our purpose here is to learn, to explore, to overcome our fear of change, to get comfortable with imperfection, to develop our compassion and joy and to trust our heart and our intuition.  Most of all, I want to find out who I am now and what to take with me for the second half of my life.

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5 thoughts on “The Big Leap

  1. Hi There,

    I saw your post on Deepak and Oprah’s meditation page and wanted to read you blog. I feel a bit connected to your story. My mother just went through having breast cancer, and I took some time away to help her through the process. I have also just lost someone very special in my life as well- my cat Alice, who I had for the past 18 years. I know it is a different kind of love and loss.. I don’t mean to imply that it would be the same as losing a human soul mate.. But she was my best friend and basically only constant companion in my life. I also live in New York City and have been away for a bit in the summer and am having a hard time imagining going back there without her. I have been looking into some things about the after life as well to try to come to a happier place regarding her passing. I am trying to begin meditating and am looking to find a different kind of more centered focus to my life going forward.

    Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and say hello because I felt a connection to you and your story. I wish much strength and happiness as you navigate this next part of your life.

    ~Michelle

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  2. Hello Michelle So sorry to hear about your mum’s cancer and Alice’s death. What matters is what Alice meant to you. I still miss my dog Ben who died over 30 years ago. And Laura believed she would see her cat Puddy again when she died. I hope these meditations help you. For me, it is a great way to stay calm, strong and centered and hear my intuition speak to me. Let me know if it helps you and if you find any interesting literature or links on the afterlife. I am always looking. Lucie

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  3. i too saw your post after doing the meditation challenge today. as a blogger on wordpress as well i was curious about your story and happy i am able to follow it. your writing is honest and lovely and look forward to following you.

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  4. Dear Lucie,
    I, too, found your comment and blog through the Deepak/ Oprah meditation page. Not sure why or how I saw it, but I stayed up several hours last night reading your beautiful story of loving and letting go, your honest and heartfelt telling of Laura’s journey touched me in a deep and profound way. I have a belief that we are all connected; we live in each other, divinely connected. You and Laura stayed in my consciousness all day. Your loss is so great I know, but your words honor Laura’s memory and challenges us all to live and love with no boundaries or conditions, and to be compassionate. Continued healing for you. May love and joy fill your heart. Peace,

    Beth T.
    Portland, ME

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