I am back in New York after 10 weeks away in the UK and I can’t say it is easy. It seems incredibly quiet and lonely after the joyful pandemonium of my sister’s house; Issy strumming her ukele and Ave practicing guitar, Saskia baking ever more lavish cakes and everyone piling into the living room for movie nights – Otto included – or lounging in the garden for a picnic, a swing in the hammock or my sister leading everyone on bikes to the meadows for a swim or a punt in the Cam. It probably doesn’t help that I don’t have much of a life here in New York now. No partner, no job (I stopped work to help heal Laura) and I am still plodding through all the paperwork Laura left behind. I should be done in a month or so. Then I want to take a breather and really look at how my life could fit back together differently. I’ve learnt so much in the last year. It is as if a whole other world has opened up to me. I am not afraid of dying any more, and oddly I think I am less afraid of living too. I’ve come to understand our purpose here is to learn, to explore, to overcome our fear of change, to get comfortable with imperfection, to develop our compassion and joy and to trust our heart and our intuition. Most of all, I want to find out who I am now and what to take with me for the second half of my life.