January has been a month strafed with pain and loss. I thought I was over this. And there have been lots of good days – days of joy and great highs. But also days of sobbing and lying on the couch bundled up in Laura’s old fur coat.
Is this a new phase of grief? It seems so. Partly it is trying to open the door and contemplate the possibility of a new love, which has caused such acute pain. It feels like pulling a Band-Aid off a wound. It requires facing the fact there will never be another Laura, at least not in this life, and that sinks me in tears.
So as far as I can tell. And I have no map for this. I need another period of mourning before moving forward with my life. Grief cannot be short changed, or the healing doesn’t come in its wake. There is no way around this, only through.