Just Being

L+l

Standing in the kitchen today packing up the Gerson things and watching over Laura as she rests (she is still very weak and sleeping a lot), I think this whole experience has shown me that for the first time in my life I’ve experienced true love with a partner.  As a child I watched my mother with her beloved three children and later my sister with her 2 dear daughters and for both, there is nothing they wouldn’t do for their children.  That is how I feel about Laura.  I love her so very much.

We’ve cried and cried the last few days over the awful PET scan revelation that Laura’s tumors have spread.  And while we’re not done trying new healing techniques, for the near future we’re just focusing on getting Laura well and enjoying our time together in a way that is very much like old times.  Today was the first day since we started the Gerson diet four months ago when we were truly alone together.  Doing the Gerson diet is like manning the engine room on an old fashioned steam ship.  It’s manic and requires a huge team to pull off.  But today we had no routine, no agenda just sharing the day together and the habitual sweetness that flows between us.

Laura’s health is very fragile at the moment.  She is in some pain in her abdomen and liver (possibly due to the tumor spread).  We’re using castor oil packs, hot water bottles and gentle warm olive oil massages to ease her burden.  And while she still seems to break a fever in the afternoons, we’re using acetomenophin to calm it down.  Her drenching night sweats and her cough have lessened a little. And best of all she is able to hold her food.  She wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving with some favorite Jewish dishes – chopped chicken liver, smoked white fish salad and bagels. I got more of the same today and cooked a chicken stir fry tonight (it is lovely to cook for her again and see her so eager to eat).  She’s been devouring her food and also drinking lots of fresh squeezed organic orange juice, which seems to help when she feels weak.   She is bleeding more.  She sleeps a lot.  But her laughter has returned and today she was well enough to bathe for the first time in days and to watch a movie.  As odd as it sounds, in the midst of all this pain, today was a little piece of bliss. We’re savoring every moment we have together.

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10 thoughts on “Just Being

  1. Laura, you’re in our thoughts and prayers. We’re waiting for you to come back to us. Lovingly, Barbara, Paul and, of course, Murray.

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  2. I am so glad you are free of that routine for awhile. I can’t imagine how wearing it has been for both of you, so non-stop. I send you much love and hope you enjoy great movies together! Love to hear that Laura is eating again – something with a taste to it!

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  3. Love, food, movies…the only things worth living for. Love to you both. Hope to be able to visit a bit before I leave for Portland on Dec. 12th.

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  4. your day of bliss sounds so wonderful, and the photo of you two is so beautiful!
    I send you constant love and prayers.
    oxox
    Marian

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  5. Oh, Laura, how beautiful and full of life you two look in this photo! You are in my heart, I ache for your suffering and admire your incredible commitment and path to healing! Love is all.

    Love, Christina

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  6. Laura my heart aches so much for you and Lucy, but I like your approach for quiet solitude and rest from the busy scheduled you both endured. There is a special strength that is born in solitude, I heard someone say that strength is found not in busyness and noise but in quietness; for a lake to reflect the heavens on its surface, it must be calm.
    I pray for strength and rest for both of you. I’ll be calling soon when you feel up for a chat.
    Much love,

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