Laura’s pain has shot up swiftly these past 10 days and the doctor at the Visiting Nurse Service has had a hard time keeping up.  Laura started on just one Oxycodone pill a day last week. That worked for a little while, but then the pains just got worse and worse.  As more and more pills were added, her nausea worsened.  This week she was on 8 medications, mostly for the side effects of the narcotics like nausea and constipation.  Just yesterday she took 8 Oxycodone pills and was still having pain, which she rated as 10/10 (Laura tends to low ball her pain). And her extreme nausea (a reaction to the narcotics) left her prone, groggy and constantly  throwing up.
Today we saw a new palliative care doctor, Natalie Moryl at Memorial Sloan Kettering.  She and her nurse Linda have streamlined Laura’s medications and switched her onto a fentanyl patch, occasional Oxycodone (as top up) and Zyprexa for her nausea.  Just half a dose of Zyprexa and she fell asleep at 6pm.  I only hope it is a peaceful and pain free sleep. It  is unbearable to watch the person you love suffer so much and worse, far worse, I imagine to endure.
Three weeks ago when Laura stopped the Gerson diet, we dreamt of going to the beach for a week’s vacation, of sitting in a fancy restaurant gorging ourselves on our favorite foods, of going out to a movie. Â Now I luxuriate in glimmers of our previous life – Laura drugged up playfully calling from the bedroom ‘Hello Lover!’ in her best Eartha Kitt voice, wanting to thumb wrestle (yes, you read that right..), wrap her toes around mine, or watch 30 mins of ‘Daniel Deronda’. Â These are our small treasures.
Soul Love Forever 
My heart is breaking Lucy.
I pray you can manage to stay strong and not be completely overwhelmed by what you are witnessing and what you are experiencing.
I’m thinking about you Laura. And every time I see your face in my mind – you are smiling girl! 🙂 You are strong. I know it.
I pray your pain is merciful.
They say there is light at the end of each tunnel, no matter how long and dark it is. We MUST believe it is true. Even if it’s the only thing we ever do.
Love to you both.
Paul
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I’m so saddened to hear of what you two are enduring. I pray for you to be enveloped in love, and peace.
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Laura wants to thumb wrestle? Certainly a good sign that she is carrying on. I relish the time she and I thumb wrestled on Martha’s Vineyard. Laura, you are a vicious and brutal opponent. Never relenting. As we wrestled I could see in your eyes the agony of defeat in the few times I won and the thrill of victory whenever you mercilessly pinned my thumb. Keep up the good fight! You owe me a re-match!
John of D of C.
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I send you and Laura my love during this difficult time.
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Thumb wrestling — fabulous!! your love story is amazing. No matter what’s going on, your love is saucy and strong. oxoxox
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Lucy am sending my love to the Big Girl and the angel by her side.
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