Our anniversary

L+L boat

Today is our 3rd year anniversary and this is one of the first days since Laura was diagnosed with cancer that we have been apart.  I’ve been in the hospital with Laura everyday, mostly 12-14 hours a day, except the last two days.  I am at home now with a cold.  The doctors don’t want anyone sniffling on the ward because most patients are immune suppressed.

Sometimes when I can’t clean up something painful in my life I clean up at home instead.  So I’ve put away all the things that have to do with Laura’s illness and taken out all the things that have to do with our normal life together.

We’re still hoping for a miracle.  Two of the doctors have said it is miraculous she is still alive with her very heavy tumor load.  Despite her frailty (she has not been strong enough to walk out of her room in over a week), she still catches everyone by surprise.  On Thursday the doctors suspected she may have brain tumors as she was having vision problems and a lot of confusion.  Impatient for the results of the brain CT scan, Laura hoiked herself out of bed, and with the assistance of a friend and the IV stand (loaded with 5 IVs), she made her way down the corridor to the nurses’ station to get the good news that they found nothing suspicious.

But her energy ebbs a little more each day. Dr Christiane Northrup said that the end of life is like the beginning.  And Laura now is like a little child again, she is full of wonder, sweetness, fear and fragility. She sleeps on and off all day and night. Her voice trails off and her mind is full of lapses.  When I arrive in in the morning she lies in my lap and I stroke her head and we hold hands like we’ve done ever since the beginning. You don’t often see two middle aged women holding hands walking along the street.  But we did. Laura was a little shy at first. She thought we might incite hateful reactions (a gay man was murdered a block from her apartment in Greenwich Village just this year).  I was a little shy too, especially in England (old habits die hard).  But we soon noticed we were eliciting lots of warm and friendly smiles, so we stopped caring and little by little we grew prouder and louder about our love.

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14 thoughts on “Our anniversary

  1. Lucie,
    Take care of yourself and feel better so you can get back to our girl!! Sending some virtual chicken soup and hope you are on the mend soon. I was just reading about oscillococcinum – getting rave reviews for shortening the sniffles. Please take care. Katy

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  2. Lucie, I do not know if you can imagine the gift your writing is to me and others like me who find the world bereft of intimacy. The infusion of your decidedly optimistic aesthetic into every dilemma you and Laura have faced is uplifting to say the least. And you share the delicate negotiations that have been part and parcel of this enduring struggle to free Laura’s body from it’s attacker in ways that simultaneously communicate humor, wisdom, despair, reverence, irreverence, and most importantly tenderness. You and I have never met, and you are able to include me in all of this. I so appreciate this openness. Thank you Lucie. Please pinch Laura gently for me. Tell her I love her, and am here, listening.

    xOc

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  3. Happy Anniversary Laura and Lucie,

    Your love for each other is beautiful.

    Lucie, I hope you get better soon so you and Laura can be together. I agree with Colette about your writing — it moves me and so many of us in so many ways.

    Please tell Laura I’m still praying for a miracle too and give her my love.

    Thinking of you both with love,
    elaine

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  4. Happy Anniversary Lucie and Laura. Your love is such an inspiration and you are both such a joy to know. Wish you could be together and pray those sniffles and your cold are soon a thing of the past and you can be with each other. Our love to both of you.

    Rebecca and Liz

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  5. Happy Anniversary to you beautiful love birds! I hope you feel better soon so that you can visit your love.

    Collette–so beautifully put!

    xoxojamie

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  6. Bon anniversaire a toutes les deux. Je vous souhaite de passer encore de merveilleux moments ensemble. Laura a beaucoup de chance de t avoir a ses cotes, Lucie.
    Je vous embrasse tres fort
    Veronique

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  7. Dear Lucie,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions with us. Congratulations on your third anniversary….your love for one another will live on forever. You have taken such care of Laura and we her friends thank you for that. BIG HUGS and warm thoughts of support and love to you both……Kathy and Dan

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  8. Happy Anniversary you two Forever Singing Love Birds. I am always anticipating the latest entry and so grateful that you bring us into your world. Thank you, Lucie for your amazing gift and time to share your moments with us. All the love to you in this world and beyond for your anniversary and all the many more in the many lifetimes to come. Love you Two, xoxoxo

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  9. Oh Lucie my lovely – all my love to you today.
    You write the way we would all love to be able to do.
    How you express love and the joy of having Laura in your life.
    You are amazing and it is easy to hear how many dear friends you have who at this time are giving you their love and strength.
    In turn you are giving everything you have to Laura. Make sure you get your strength back.
    Send my love and a big squeeze to lovely Laura , and one huge hug to you too my darling.
    Biggest kiss
    Barrie xx

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