Yesterday a friend warned that I might be holding Laura’s spirit back; keeping her from important spiritual work by talking to her and enjoying her spiritual presence. It is an opinion I’ve heard before. A year ago I might have agreed. For a while I thought her spirit could only be in one place at a time and if she was showing up in this earthly realm, then somehow she had not passed on. Now I think this is just limited understanding – we imagine spirits to be like humans, tethered to one spot. Whereas, their being is infinitely more complex and varied than any of us can truly imagine (some spiritual books say our souls bring only 20% of their energy to earth when we are born). The Episcopalean priest Cynthia Bourgeault writes in her book Love is Stronger Than Death, that ever since her beloved partner Rafe passed away she feels: ‘Literally buoyed up by the lightness of his presence within me.’ But she experienced similar comments from religious friends, who insisted she let his spirit go and not be so ‘codependent’. ‘My refusal to release him could only be interpreted as clinging,’ she says. ‘Not only would it hurt me; it might very well hurt Rafe..I might be exerting an unintentional psychic drag on him that could hinder his progress in the next realm.’ In the end, she concludes that if Rafe is communicating with her, it is because he chooses to and not because she has some svengali-like power over his soul.
The idea that I might be limiting my soul mate made me queasy. But when I got home last night I got my answer. There was a glistening penny by my front door. I laughed when I saw it. A thousand dollars couldn’t have made me happier. The month after Laura passed I found pennies everywhere. Laura loved to pick up pennies wherever she went and always gave thanks to the universe: ‘I’ll accept a billion more,’ she would say. I haven’t seen a penny in months, yet here it was – a little penny from heaven.