Grief

Grief stops the clock on a lot of things. And today the clock stopped literally. My Mum’s watch broke. It’s almost exactly a year to the day since she passed. That little silver watch is my most cherished possession (Mum laughed when she saw me wearing it, ‘That old thing.’) She got it when she was 21….

Patti Smith – Talking to the Departed

‘My best friend died of leukemia when I was about seven or eight… Then, going through the death of Robert Mapplethorpe was so devastating and difficult. Our friendship was so deep, and his consciousness was so intertwined with mine .. that I knew he would still be with me when he died… I’ve learned from Robert…

Abundance of Spirit

I love dragonflies. I love the shimmer of their iridescent wings and how they can zoom in any direction (including sideways and backwards) helicopter-style.  But last weekend, I had 11 land on me (I’ve never had one land on me before). It all happened in less than 15 minutes, as I sat on my friend…

Disembodied Grief

When mum died, I didn’t see her spirit leave her body as I did with Laura. But I was there by her side in her final hours. And ever since I have a weird disembodied feeling, as if I am not quite here. At first I thought it was a protective numbness. But now I…

Janette Young, 19 November 1931 to 22 May 2018

My dear mum, who surrounded me and my family with unconditional love all her life, has gone. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met and like Laura had a beautiful open smile. Her cousin Isabella recalled: ‘She brought the sunshine into the room with her.’ I was blessed to be with her at the…

Soul Whispers

‘Our eternal identity never leaves us alone in the bodies we choose…In reflection, meditation, or prayer, the memories of who we really are do filter down to us in selective thought each day.  In small, intuitive ways – through the cloud of amnesia – we are given clues for the justification of our being.’ –…

Touching Joy

What if the highest form of communication isn’t words, but touch? No, silly.  Not that, or rather, not JUST that kind of touch.  I’ve often said to people I love – ‘I read you through your skin’.  Because I feel a deep non verbal connection just by holding hands or snuggling. Laura spoke wordlessly to…

Gratitude

‘Gratitude. For a million reasons. This moment. This place. This life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.’ my friend Lyn Godley wrote on Facebook this morning. It made my heart soar. I would just add one big dollop of gratitude for this blog family, my family and friends, and those souls who’ve passed but still sing…

Liquid Love

‘You  are liquid love in human form.’ – Abraham Hicks Love and light were recurring themes at the recent Art of Dying conference in New York, where more than 30 professionals, who tend to the dying, deceased and the grieving, spoke about their experiences. Olivia Barham, a death midwife, told how when her mother died, she…

One More Day

I’ve often imagined what it would be like to have one more day with Laura. One last chance to look into her eyes and be together as we once were. What would we do? How would we spend those precious hours together? Evidently it is a common fantasy of the bereaved. ‘Meet Me at Dawn‘…

10 km of hearts

When I walked the 10km around the base of Uluru, I found little heart stones everywhere embedded in the path.  It made me laugh.  And writing this the lights are flashing at my friend Gill’s house. I’ve been here 5 days and the lights haven’t flashed once…Hearts, birds and flashing lights seem to be surrounding…

Laura’s Gift

My dear heart, Laura, was born 62 years ago today.  She has been ‘gone’ nearly 3 years, almost the same amount of time that we were together. And still I feel her presence so sweetly and vividly.  I used to think that she was reaching out  from ‘the other side’ (wherever that is), but now I…

I heart you

Saturday is Laura’s birthday.  This month she has been deluging me with hearts.  I find them everywhere, usually several a day; a heart shaped piece of breakfast eggshell, a wet patch by the bath, 3 heart shaped pieces of gum on the pavement, a tiny heart shaped red leaf, a line of a dozen hearts…

One Love

The hardest thing to get my head around spiritually is the idea that we are all one.  It makes perfect sense sitting on my meditation cushion when I’m all Ommm and Zen, but out in the street…well not so much. But recently I’ve tried something,  a simple little act that has been shining up the…

Dragonfly

This summer I’ve been constantly delighted by dragonflies.  Kayaking along the Wallkill River in the Catskills, a beautiful purply-green dragonfly alighted on the prow of my little boat and accompanied me for a long stretch of my journey.  In England last month, I sat to meditate in my parents back garden and afterwards opened my…