When I am not sure how I feel about something (which is surprisingly often), I use Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing technique to cut through all the mental gymnastics and listen to what my body is saying. I used it the first time I met Laura to see if she was the right person for me and got the most extraordinary result.

The technique is incredibly simple; you sit silently as if in meditation, quietening your mind and slowing your breath. When you are fully relaxed you ask your body how it feels about a certain situation or person and wait for whatever appears. Focusing normally produces a ‘felt sense’ – sometimes a tightening or fluttering here or there (usually if you feel fear or anger), sometimes a crushing sensation (if you feel overwhelmed or panicked) and if you are lucky a sense of expansiveness and warmth which correlates to joy and wellbeing.

With Laura I initially felt a sensuous warm energy in my first chakra (OK go ahead laugh, I did!) and then very slowly the sensation began to rise up like the mercury in a thermometer, traveling through all my chakras, connecting them one at a time and spreading the warmth up to the crown of my head. I repeated this exercise at various times in our relationship and always got this same beautiful response. It was as if our energy connected on every level spreading warmth and joy throughout my whole being.