Peter Bach, a Memorial Sloan Kettering epidemiologist, lost his wife Ruth to cancer the same month that Laura died. In last week’s New York magazine he wrote eloquently about his loss. ‘Our life together was gone, and carrying on without her was exactly that, without her. I was reminded of our friend Liz’s insight after she lost her husband to melanoma. She told me she had plenty of people to do things with, but nobody to do nothing with…’ Later her writes: ‘It turns out that Hollywood has grief and loss all wrong. The waves and spikes don’t arrive predictably in time and severity..It’s not sobbing, collapsing, moaning grief. It’s phantom-limb pain. It aches, it throbs, there’s nothing there, and yet you never want it to go away.’
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Oh so beautiful
What a profound and true comparison that of phantom-limb pain and the pain of the loss of the love of your life. I can totally relate to how this pain feels. I have lost both of my legs in an accident in 2012. I still dream my dreams at nighttime having both of my legs. I wake up in the morning and intend to jump out of bed as I used to for 46 years. I often panic when I realize that I am not able to do so anymore. It takes me minutes to “remember” that my legs are no more with me. When you lose a very close loved one, it’s very similar. The loved one has become part of you and when he/she is no more with you, it is like a part of your body/soul has been taken away. I can relate to your pain, Lucie. My heart is going out to you.