‘What I’ve learned is that I’ve so much more to Learn’ -Maya Angelou. I couldn’t agree more. These past 8 months it is as if a whole other world has opened up to me. The life I am living now suddenly seems like a tiny walk on part within an elaborate play cycle that spans centuries and many different realms. Because I saw Laura transition out of this life to a place I can only guess at through a glass darkly, I am less afraid of dying and I am also less afraid to live. I feel we are here to explore, learn, take risks, love and ‘live wholeheartedly’ and to ‘dare greatly’, as research professor Brene Brown famously said in her TED talks. Because of this realization, I feel a new courage welling up inside of me and a new joy in life. But I also feel quite new born and fresh to this awakening. I am still finding my feet and still easily knocked over by memories of the joy I shared with Laura. Last night, down in Wall Street I remembered how it felt madly peddling my bike through Battery Park up to Laura’s West Village apartment and how over the moon I was to see her. This intense sense memory slit open the great chasm of my loss and sent me into a tail spin. I miss her unfathomably. But also little by little I am getting stronger.
Here’s Brene Brown