It is a curious paradox that as I am becoming emotionally stronger; more resilient, relaxed and happier with each passing month, at the same time my physical stamina has still not caught up. I am beginning to realize that I am profoundly tired. Small things, which I would normally roll over easily, seem to exhaust…
Finding The Path
‘You are at my side, dear friends, and God is everywhere. Yet ultimately we are alone, making our way home by the candle of the heart. The light is steady and sure but extends only far enough to see the next step. That there are steps beyond is a matter of faith. That we have…
Aging Disgracefully
Now I am sure Laura and I will grow old together. Just not quite in the way I had originally imagined (see above).
Out of the Wardrobe
This past year I’ve felt like Lucy in The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, falling out of a cosy wardrobe into a whole other world that I never knew was there. My experiences of Laura’s spiritual presence have opened the door to a vast parallel universe of life beyond life. At first I…
The Zen of Love
‘When you lose a loved one, you suffer. But if you know how to look deeply, you have a chance to realize that his or her nature is truly the nature of no-birth, no death…Pay attention to the world around you, to the leaves and the flowers, to the birds and the rain. If you…
Wonderland
I spent last week in Wonderland, my nickname for my friend Lisa’s amazing indoor-outdoor house that she and her husband Adam built in the Hollywood Hills. Lisa is the Auntie Mame of design, she is always inventing fun things; a desk like a wheelbarrow that you can trundle anywhere (even outside), a wearable computer (in…
Reversing Coughs & Asthma
Doctors tried everything to heal Laura’s cough last fall – syrups, pills, balms – nothing worked. When her cancer spread her cough became so persistent she had to sleep sitting upright and it made her physically ill. In desperation I asked herbalist Robin Rose Bennett for advice. She suggested making an infusion with fir needles…
Two Souls in Love
This morning on the deck of my friend Lisa’s house in the Hollywood Hills, I looked up to see two beautiful black birds circling each other over and over, gliding and swirling almost in an ecstasy of motion, before flying off together. It was beautiful to behold and felt so uplifting. This is the second…
Play, Play, Play
‘Oh little playmate won’t you come out and play. Let’s play, play, play!” Laura would sing. One of the many endearing things about her was that she could be just as silly, playful and direct as a little kid. She would race me down the stairs in the subway or in a museum. She would…
Grandmothers
Here are our beloved maternal grandmothers. Laura’s grandma lived in the apartment below her parents in Forest Hills Queens and lavished her with the love and attention she felt she was missing at home. Laura wrote: ‘I took after my grandmother and liked art. She bought me my first camera a Minolta SLR101 that…
The Remains of the Day
What a joy to finally have Laura’s things back (and some of mine). We parceled everything up in a rush last summer when we moved in together and jumbled up all our things. They’ve been living in her brother Barry’s attic for the past year. Now, like an elephant who returns to nuzzle a…
Bath Time
My little mermaid, Laura
Ever Hopeful
I just discovered Laura had scribbled in her copy of Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart, ‘I don’t agree’, ‘I don’t agree’, at exactly the spot where I chucked the book. It seems neither of us thought ‘Begin the journey without hope of getting ground under your feet. Begin with hopelessness’ was a good idea. Especially…
Soul Love Forever 