Happiness

‘You seem stronger, happier, more your self than ever before,’ my sister said recently.  It is the strangest paradox. I get whiplash trying to understand how this is possible. How do great loss and happiness go together. It is not even 18 months since I lost the person I loved most in the world; my…

Leo Tolstoy

‘To die means that I, a particle of love, shall return to the eternal source.’ – Leo Tolstoy

The Spiritual Mushroom

How do you take the sting out of death and make a terminal cancer patient feel peaceful about their imminent demise? Scientists at NYU, in New York, have developed a technique which is straight out of the Timothy Leary playbook. They are giving dying patients a single high dose of a hallucinogenic mushroom, which takes…

A Year Ago

Laura died a year ago today (at 2.50am on Jan 16, 2014).  On her last morning she smiled her beautiful smile and told me;  ‘I love you’. I didn’t realize it then, but those were her last words. Our wedding certificate had just arrived and Laura was over the moon. We had been married exactly…

Past Lives

On Friday I did a past life regression. I was curious if I would meet Laura again in a previous life. Beforehand my mind was full of Hollywood scenarios – what if we were Navajo Indians roaming the South West (as I die from a poisoned arrow, Laura comforts me in her arms); or concubines…

The Light Within

To steer by the light of the heart is the only choice for me now.  It is both exhilarating and terrifying.  To let go of thinking my way forward and instead find the path by what feels right, what resonates within. It is what got me here to Sedona.  It is the motor that drives…

A word from the Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered ‘Man.  Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.  Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.  And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live…

Talking About Dying

To my great surprise the British media is currently trying to lift the lid on what it means to have a terminal disease and face your own death.  Probably due to the huge numbers of people who are currently being diagnosed as terminally ill at midlife and younger. One of my favorite TV shows since…

Loss

Peter Bach, a Memorial Sloan Kettering epidemiologist, lost his wife Ruth to cancer the same month that Laura died.  In last week’s New York magazine he wrote eloquently about his loss. ‘Our life together was gone, and carrying on without her was exactly that, without her.  I was reminded of our friend Liz’s insight after…

Into the arms of love

During her last weeks, Laura started to talk about how she knew she would soon see her father, grandmother and her beloved cat ‘Puddy’ again. She had never talked about the afterlife before and I was surprised and pleased she was so filled with excitement about what would happen. For my part, I’ve come to…

Love Is All That Matters

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross helped create the US hospice movement (she was opposed to euthanasia because ‘it doesn’t allow people time to complete their unfinished business.’).  Her book Life Lessons contains what she learned by sitting at the bedside of the dying.  Here are a few of my favorite quotes – ‘Love is all that matters. Love is…