I am starting to think playing with the lights is Laura’s ‘bat signal’, either that or she is taking a degree in electrical engineering. Last night the kitchen light suddenly switched itself on (something it has never done before), and lights have been mysteriously flickering on and off (both in my apartment and elsewhere when…
Category: SOUL JOURNEY
Blithe Spirit
Laura has been making her presence felt these past few weeks, sometimes when I am home alone and sometimes when I have company. Cards fly off the bookshelf in unison, objects vibrate or jump (two friends witnessed this at dinner one night) and one of the lamps in the living room flickers intensely and then…
Intuition
For me meditation creates a space in my body like a little clearing in a dense forest. Into this magical space intuition often appears. Words, thoughts and ideas pop up and I see something with great clarity. During Laura’s illness, when we had no time to procrastinate and we had an overwhelming amount of advice,…
40 days
I thought it took Jesus 3 days to ascend to heaven. He was crucified on Good Friday and then 3 days later on Easter Sunday (as Christian churches proclaimed last weekend), ‘Christ is risen’. But according to our vicar friend Rebecca, I got the timing all wrong. On Easter Sunday Christ just rose from the…
Soul Mate Test
When I am not sure how I feel about something (which is surprisingly often), I use Eugene Gendlin’s Focusing technique to cut through all the mental gymnastics and listen to what my body is saying. I used it the first time I met Laura to see if she was the right person for me and got…
The Night Watch
Today is Maundy Thursday. it is not a date I’ve paid any attention to in my 52 year span, not until now. It celebrates the night Jesus asked his disciples to sit up with him before his death. ‘Can you not watch with me one hour,’ he said. Tonight I sat vigil for an hour…
Laura’s Poem
Let us lie down together holding hands, looking in to one another’s soul. There is a real beauty there, an understanding in the eyes that has passed between two women like never before. Dared I dream of you? Never would I even know how. But you magically appeared. If I wake up, will you still…
Shadows
The Tibetans believe that our karma grants us a certain unalterable life span and when that span is exhausted there are signs forewarning of our impending death. One such sign is ‘shadow images’. I gasped when I read that in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Eighteen months before Laura died, she had started a…
Another Poem from the Memorial
When I Am Among The Trees When I am among the trees, especially the willows and the honey locust, equally the beech, the oaks and the pines, they give off such hints of gladness. I would almost say that they save me, and daily. I am so distant from the hope of myself, in which…
Seeing the Light
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying gives an extraordinarily vivid description of the dying process (chapter 15), which almost exactly matches the stages Laura went through. Equally interesting is a section called Phowa: The Transference of the Consciousness, which tells how there are 9 routes for a dying person’s consciousness to leave the body. Evidently the…
The 49th day
The buddhists say that on the 49th day after a person dies their soul passes on to its next life, or to a higher plane. I dreaded the 49th day after Laura’s death, knowing her spirit (which I have glimpsed as energy in our apartment and felt as ‘arms’ around me or a ‘cheek’ pressed…
Laura’s passing
The love of my life has gone. Her suffering has ended, but the hole she leaves in my life is so vast and I am so exhausted and in pain that I have been unable to write or be in touch these past few days. People have called and emailed and posted here the…
2.50am
Laura has gone.
Illuminated
As Laura lies gently breathing, I see occasional sparks of light like fireflies glowing around her head. Earlier this evening I saw an intense green white aura surrounding her face. It could be sitting too long in the semi-darkness with all the strange electrical paraphernalia of the hospital. But the night before we came to…
Vigil
Laura has not woken up since this morning. She is heavily sedated now and breathing lightly. Her brother Barry, her former partner Kerry and I are here with her this evening. An hour ago, the very reverend Rebecca, who married us popped in to do a blessing. Laura is surrounded by love both present and…
Soul Love Forever 