And so it is…Laura’s body (or what remains of her beautiful body) is finally out to sea very near to this beautiful beach in the Dominican Republic. The night before, I slept with laura’s ashes in my arms and felt a great calm and an extraordinary sense of electricity in my chest. We also danced…
Category: loss
Letting Go
I’m preparing to scatter Laura’s ashes and say a final farewell to her incarnate form. It is odd, I feel unexpectedly sad about parting with her remains. Perhaps it is because this little box of rubble is all I have left of our human life together. Her beautiful physical presence left such a strong impression…
Psalm 30
“You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.’ Laura and I loved psalm 23 (we had it read at our wedding). But now this little fragment of psalm 30 speaks to my heart.
Laura’s Posts
Two friends recently expressed surprise when I mentioned that Laura posted quite a bit in the early days of this blog. So I’ve created a special link to all of ‘Laura’s Posts’ (you reach it by clicking the menu icon – looks like a bunch of layers – on the top right hand side of…
The Circle of Kindness
What a difference a day makes. Four little acts of kindness helped nudge me out of my funk yesterday. First my mum phoned and said ‘Just come home dear, we’ll look after you!’ I can’t tell you how sweet and heartening it is to have parents who still want to look after you even when…
Burn Out
We are such strange and complex creatures. I can barely understand myself never mind anyone else. On one level I am having a wonderful staycation in New York – hang-gliding, roller disco, going to the beach, outdoor concerts and catching up with friends. But I also feel profoundly exhausted and burnt out. The word ‘burnt’…
Happiness
‘You seem stronger, happier, more your self than ever before,’ my sister said recently. It is the strangest paradox. I get whiplash trying to understand how this is possible. How do great loss and happiness go together. It is not even 18 months since I lost the person I loved most in the world; my…
The Grace in Dying
Kathleen Dowling Singh, a former hospice worker and author of The Grace in Dying writes: “Dying .. softens us, opens us. In the course of living with terminal illness, our inner experience begins to change in nature. As our grasp loosens, we may begin to experience a more spontaneous forgiveness, a deepening love, and a pervasive sense…
Journeying On
Why is travel such a comfort after loss? Is it that being on the move gives shape and purpose to a life when there is no shape or purpose left? My first thought after Laura died was to cut free of my normal existance, which was in tatters, and take refuge in travel. I went…
The Greatest Gift
The Greatest gift you can give to someone who is grieving is to let them talk about their departed loved on. It is something I know from my own experience, but it was a great comfort to hear Sue Frederick, an experienced grief coach, repeat it in her Grief Coaching workshop today For me it…
It’s curtains for you, my friend!
A tale of two friends both recently widowed. Their lives splintered. Nothing now fits together as it did before. But a tale of two extremes. One lost her faith along with her partner. She reasoned: ‘How could there be a loving God who cruelly severs people from their soul mates?’ The other’s grief didn’t slam…
A Year Ago
Laura died a year ago today (at 2.50am on Jan 16, 2014). On her last morning she smiled her beautiful smile and told me; ‘I love you’. I didn’t realize it then, but those were her last words. Our wedding certificate had just arrived and Laura was over the moon. We had been married exactly…
Laying Low
Grief is like a rip-tide. It grabs you by surprise and pulls you under. There is no warning. Sunday was Laura and I’s 4th anniversary (of when we met). I was fine all day until about 5pm and then I just collapsed. I am still as weak as a limp lettuce today. All morning all…
Soul Love Forever 