Bon Voyage

  Laura is even funnier now that she is a spirit. I asked her if she is coming to the UK with me tomorrow and she said ‘I’m packed’. I’m glad someone is, because I am not..

The Soap Box

I After posting my tub thumping review of the movies Carol and Brooklyn last week, I was twiddling my thumbs wondering what Laura would make of it.  I once put her to sleep explaining – at length –  how Darwin’s theory of the survival of the fittest was fundamentally flawed. As I reached my triumphant…

Wedding Present

December 15th  is my wedding anniversary.  This weekend I was thinking about the strange beauty of that day, two years ago. And also – if I am honest –  I’ve been missing the two little paper hearts that Laura and I exchanged instead of rings (they used to hang on a thread over the kitchen…

A Fond Farewell

And so it is…Laura’s body (or what remains of her beautiful body) is finally out to sea very near to this beautiful beach in the Dominican Republic. The night before, I slept with laura’s ashes in my arms and felt a great calm and an extraordinary sense of electricity in my chest.  We also danced…

A New Leaf

Laura has been pelting me with leaves recently. Several times walking down the street, a beautiful leaf has floated into my hand. Once in the subway, a giant golden leaf shaped like a hand circled me on the platform. I can’t wait to see what happens next. Unless she can be super-creative this winter with…

Laura Speaks

If you regularly read this blog, you’ll know I sometimes ask Laura: ‘Send me something lovely!’ And invariably something fun happens. Today I was walking home from the subway and asked Laura to surprise me. I started singing ‘Pennies From Heaven’ in hopes of finding lots of pennies. I guess I was trying to force…

Laura’s Posts

Two friends recently expressed surprise when I mentioned that Laura posted quite a bit in the early days of this blog. So I’ve created a special link to all of ‘Laura’s Posts’ (you reach it by clicking the menu icon – looks like a bunch of layers – on the top right hand side of…

Our Story

Graphic artist Nikki Kurt drew this storyboard of Laura and my’s spiritual adventure, during the New York Open Center’s recent Art of Dying conference. Click on the image to enlarge it and you will see it starts with Laura being surrounded by loved ones in the 8 months prior to her death, the vision I…

Laura’s Choice

You may have gotten two versions of my Peter Fenwick post yesterday. I posted one version called Scientific Proof – As If Any Was Needed, but ‘someone else’ (I suspect my beloved mischievous Laura) hit publish on an earlier draft called Dying Well (the version printed below). This draft contains a paragraph about all the…

Laura’s Gifts

I love birds.  But I’ve never had one land on me before.  Once a cat fell out of a tree onto my shoulders, but I don’t think that counts. And then today….I got two birds at once!  It was a particularly sweet experience because when I left my apartment this morning I said to Laura…

Adventures in the Food Trade

I could swear I met Laura years ago. She always said no. But in the 90s I attended endless fashion, design, film, book, TV, architecture and art cocktail parties for work. Laura was a catering manager who passed hors d’ouevres at exactly these kind of events. So there is a high likelihood we crossed paths.  All…

Swoon

I’ve come to believe that talking affectionately about departed loved ones conjures them up. It is like rubbing the lamp to summon the genie. A friend and I summoned her departed mother this week. We began by talking lovingly about her mother, did the steps of the reconnection ritual Sue Frederick taught me during the…

A Year Ago

Laura died a year ago today (at 2.50am on Jan 16, 2014).  On her last morning she smiled her beautiful smile and told me;  ‘I love you’. I didn’t realize it then, but those were her last words. Our wedding certificate had just arrived and Laura was over the moon. We had been married exactly…

Laying Low

Grief is like a rip-tide.  It grabs you by surprise and pulls you under. There is no warning.  Sunday was Laura and I’s 4th anniversary (of when we met). I was fine all day until about 5pm and then I just collapsed. I am still as weak as a limp lettuce today. All morning all…

The Golden Ticket

The morning of New Year’s Eve 2010  I woke up super excited.  I dreamt the night before I had won the lottery.  I almost never played the lottery, so I bought $40 worth of tickets.  The tickets were all duds.  But New Year’s Eve 2010 was the day I first looked at online dating sites….