And so it is…Laura’s body (or what remains of her beautiful body) is finally out to sea very near to this beautiful beach in the Dominican Republic. The night before, I slept with laura’s ashes in my arms and felt a great calm and an extraordinary sense of electricity in my chest. We also danced…
Tag: loss
Letting Go
I’m preparing to scatter Laura’s ashes and say a final farewell to her incarnate form. It is odd, I feel unexpectedly sad about parting with her remains. Perhaps it is because this little box of rubble is all I have left of our human life together. Her beautiful physical presence left such a strong impression…
Connecting with the Departed
Here’s Abraham Hicks explaining what it feels like to connect to a departed loved one’s spirit. Note – you usually you need to meditate first and be in a positive frame of mind (not depressed or grieving): ‘It will seem odd at first. You will think you are making it up. But you won’t be….
Laura Speaks
If you regularly read this blog, you’ll know I sometimes ask Laura: ‘Send me something lovely!’ And invariably something fun happens. Today I was walking home from the subway and asked Laura to surprise me. I started singing ‘Pennies From Heaven’ in hopes of finding lots of pennies. I guess I was trying to force…
The Circle of Kindness
What a difference a day makes. Four little acts of kindness helped nudge me out of my funk yesterday. First my mum phoned and said ‘Just come home dear, we’ll look after you!’ I can’t tell you how sweet and heartening it is to have parents who still want to look after you even when…
Burn Out
We are such strange and complex creatures. I can barely understand myself never mind anyone else. On one level I am having a wonderful staycation in New York – hang-gliding, roller disco, going to the beach, outdoor concerts and catching up with friends. But I also feel profoundly exhausted and burnt out. The word ‘burnt’…
Larkspur for Laura
Whenever I leave my building with my little folding chair under my arm, I joke with the doormen that I am off to visit my office. I often work under the trees in Carl Schurz park where Laura and I used to sit. The great thing about writing is you can do it anywhere. Carl…
Wow! 100,000 hits
Today this little blog clocked 100,000 hits. Laura would be amazed. I am. Wow! Wow! Wow! Laura and I started this blog together on July 4, 2013 to reach out to family and friends when Laura was sick. Next week it will turn two. It has reached people in over 130 countries. Thank you dear…
The Grace in Dying
Kathleen Dowling Singh, a former hospice worker and author of The Grace in Dying writes: “Dying .. softens us, opens us. In the course of living with terminal illness, our inner experience begins to change in nature. As our grasp loosens, we may begin to experience a more spontaneous forgiveness, a deepening love, and a pervasive sense…
Journeying On
Why is travel such a comfort after loss? Is it that being on the move gives shape and purpose to a life when there is no shape or purpose left? My first thought after Laura died was to cut free of my normal existance, which was in tatters, and take refuge in travel. I went…
It’s curtains for you, my friend!
A tale of two friends both recently widowed. Their lives splintered. Nothing now fits together as it did before. But a tale of two extremes. One lost her faith along with her partner. She reasoned: ‘How could there be a loving God who cruelly severs people from their soul mates?’ The other’s grief didn’t slam…
A Year Ago
Laura died a year ago today (at 2.50am on Jan 16, 2014). On her last morning she smiled her beautiful smile and told me; ‘I love you’. I didn’t realize it then, but those were her last words. Our wedding certificate had just arrived and Laura was over the moon. We had been married exactly…
Laying Low
Grief is like a rip-tide. It grabs you by surprise and pulls you under. There is no warning. Sunday was Laura and I’s 4th anniversary (of when we met). I was fine all day until about 5pm and then I just collapsed. I am still as weak as a limp lettuce today. All morning all…
10 Years
These past 10 years have been the hardest of my life. Almost exactly a year ago, Laura’s CT scan came back with pages and pages of new cancer tumors. They poured out of the fax machine in what seemed to be a never ending stream, detailing tumors in her bones, and every organ except her…
Soul Love Forever 